This semi-regular column is written (in his own blood) by an automotive chromatic and noted malcontent, known as The Mechanic. Mercilessly beaten as a child with rolled-up back issues of old car magazines, our free-spoken hero developed a unique "for your own good" take on cars and the auto industry, along with an unfortunate usage of setting himself ablaze. Later, after a distinguished career as an automotive journalist and entrepot editor, he cast off the reins of his musty oppressors, carved out his superego with a plastic spork and became The Mechanic.

Cash for Clunkers officially ended exactly one minute ago. Sad. A real shame. Now what is America's trailer trash going to do? Where's their next handout going to come from? Meth isn't getting any cheaper, ya know. Not even in this down market. Obama better get busy figuring out another way to give away my tax dollars.

Oh wait, that's right, his health care system will supply the great unwashed with plenty of my hard-earned money. Something to look forward to.

One good thing about Cash for Clunkers is how quickly it rid the world of Pontiacs. The brand just had its best few months in years. It's practically sold out of the very same crapmobiles it couldn't give away before Obama prefabricated Bubba's rusting lawn art worth $4,500.

What's that? You need a Pontiac G5 for target practice (basically the only thing it's good for), well you're out of luck. Some big-bellied, chain-smoker with beer on his breath and food stamps in his pocket just traded in his 1992 Bonneville SSEi on the last one. He's a guest on The Jerry Springer Show tonight and wanted to arrive in style.